Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall...

I’ve been successfully maintaining my weight loss goal for the last four months, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle every day with making poor food choices, anxiety over my weight, and continual self-criticism of my body. There is a reason why keeping weight off is difficult. Weight loss is as much a mental change as it is a physical one and often the physical change happens much more quickly than the mental shift. Likewise, because your mental state doesn’t quite match up to the new body and lifestyle you’ve created for yourself, there is a dangerous period of time, just post-weight-loss goal, when it’s all too easy to slip back into bad habits. I’m struggling right now in this place.

Despite my best intentions for eating healthily and exercising regularly, there is still that holdover idea from American society that tells me, “You’ve made it, the diet is over! Eat whatever you want.” Now, the logical and reasoning part of me knows that this isn’t true—that I’m not on a diet, but rather am attempting to make a lifestyle change in how I eat. However, our social and cultural roots are strong and it’s sometimes impossible to avoid that voice in my mind—the “fat Me,” which tricks me into eating bad things from time to time. Every day is still a struggle.

So, how can I make the voice fade a little more quickly? In thinking about this yesterday, after catching myself eating a Milky Way Dark as a snack, I was reminded of something I once saw at a relative’s house. At the time, it was a little strange—even scandalous perhaps? But now, in retrospect, it made a lot of sense. No, I’m not referring to a ball gag or some ancient head-gear to keep your jaw wired shut, but rather a simple photo. The picture, placed prominently on the fridge, was of this relative in her underwear and bra—a little off-putting when guests come over to visit, no doubt. Its purpose? To remind the “model” to think about how she looked—and wanted to look--before she ate anything out of the fridge.

Now, I’m not sure about putting a picture of myself sans clothes on the fridge, but the concept holds some truth. Instead, I’ve placed a “before” picture of myself on the old Frigidaire to stand as a reminder of just how far I’ve come and to not slip back to those old ways. I mean, sometime over the past ten years, I managed to gain more than fifty unnecessary pounds simply by eating the wrong things in the wrong amount and not exercising. Gaining that weight was easy. Losing it was not.

So guest-awkwardness be damned! Post your pictures at eye level and take a good, long look. As a woman, I’m already paranoid about all those little parts of my body that exhibit the slightest imperfection in my mind (Aren’t we all?)—but looking at an old picture grounds me in the reality of where I used to be. It isn’t always easy for me to see it in myself, even when others tell me, but I look pretty darn good these days. And despite what fat Me says, it’s not worth ruining my improved physical self, and the developing improved mental self, for a stupid Milky Way.